A Sense of Belonging
by Chronicles of an Insomniac
Summary: Max's good mood is ruined when something unexpected happens, but her family is always there to help her. Better than the summary, I promise.


**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DARK ANGEL. I just wish I did.**

**A Sense of Belonging**

Max walked into Crash, a rare smile plastered on her face. Some pre-Pulse hip-hop song was thumping over the speakers, and she swung her hips to the beat on her way over to the bar. The bartender gave her a pitcher of beer, and she made her way over to the regular table with a short 'Thank you' tossed over her shoulder.

"Boy, when you gonna own up to the fact that your scrawny ass sucks at poker, 'specially when you this drunk?" she was greeted by Cindy's voice as she neared her friends.

"Probably the same time we say boys are better, meaning never." Max smirked as Sketchy's frown deepened a bit. "Sorry Sketch, but OC's right. It's just because you have such an open face. Which chicks totally dig." she added to soften the blow a bit. Cindy raised an eyebrow at her, and gave her a look. Max just shrugged it off.

"Maybe I'll go try my luck at pool…" he said getting up and heading towards the tables. The girls both shook their heads at him.

"That boy don't ever learn." OC said before turning to Max, and giving her a look.

"What?"

"What up wit you boo? I ain't seen you this happy in a while." Her friend asked with a confused yet happy look. It was true. Cindy hadn't seen Max smiling in a long time, thanks to all her problems with Logan, and worrying about all the other Transgenics out and about. OC was happy for her girl, but she wanted to be let in on the secret.

"It's nothing, I'm just in a good mood. Isn't everyone always telling me to be happier, or something?" Max asked defensively.

"Yeah, but you ain't never listened before. Spill." Her tone left no room for argument.

Max sighed, but told OC her reasons for being so cheerful. "Logan called me earlier and told me to come over tonight. He said he had a special surprise for me, and that I didn't have to worry about me hurting him anymore." She looked at her best friend, her eyes shining with hope, "I think he might have the cure Cin."

"You serious boo?! That's great!" Cindy grabbed her girl in a hug. Max returned it fully. When they pulled away, they squealed, and hugged again. Max was allowing herself to have a couple minutes as a girly-girl, this called for it after all.

"Oh, please tell me I can get in on this." An all too familiar voice spoke from beside them. Alec stood there staring at them with wide mischievous eyes.

Max laughed causing two sets of eyes to focus on her with shocked looks. She didn't notice, "Sorry Alec, I'm keeping her all for myself." She said with an impish grin, wrapping her arm around Cindy's shoulders and pulling her closer. "Find yourself some other honey to hook up with."

OC recovered first, "Finally my girl sees which team she should be playing for." her was voice teasing, but cautious. She hadn't realized Max was happy on a delusional level.

Alec was apparently having the same type of thoughts. "Maxie, you feeling' alright?" he said putting his hand on her forehead, expecting her to slap it away, and call him a jerk or screw up. Something to prove that she was back to normal. He would have thought she was a clone, but her scent was the same.

She knocked his hand out of the way playfully, "I'm fine Alec, just in a really good mood." She handed him a cup of beer, "Now sit down and drink this 'fore you say something stupid to ruin it." Her smile took any heat out of the insult.

"I like this new side of you Max, it's much more fun than your usual snarky self. May I inquire as to why you're so joyous on this fine, fine evening?" Alec asked with a very fake accent.

Max stifled her giggles, "You passed Common Verbal talking like that?" At his smile, she continued, "I just got some really good news, that's all." For some reason she didn't understand, she didn't want Alec to know about the cure. It seemed wrong somehow. She felt almost shy in telling him that she and Logan would be able to touch again.

"Must have been some news." Alec was disappointed that she didn't trust him enough to tell him whatever the news was, but he refused to let it show. "How long is Happy Max gonna stay with us?"

Max shared a conspiratorial look with Cindy, "Hopefully, for a really long time."

"Speakin' of time, when you gotta be there boo?" OC asked her.

"Seven."

Alec looked at her weirdly, "Uh, Max, it's almost 7:30."

"What?! Crap, I gotta blaze!" she was already halfway across the bar. "Later!" her retreating voice called back.

Alec looked at Original Cindy, "What's up with her?"

"Not my business to tell you baby boo. But it's a good thing. I think." OC said before taking a sip of beer and wishing her girl luck.

* * *

Max stopped short outside Logan's door. It felt wrong to just barge in like she normally did, but at the same time she wanted to surprise him… Just as she raised her hand to knock, she heard a crash from inside. "_Screw politeness_" she thought, as she threw the door open.

"Logan?" she called quietly. She heard a noise coming from his office, and went that way. "Logan?" she called a little louder. The worry built up in her when there was no answer.

She found him in his office, staring at a dark computer screen. His papers were thrown everywhere, and there were pieces of a shattered lamp on the floor. "_That explains the crash_" "Logan?"

He spun around quickly, and looked at her. "Hey Max." his eyes were cold.

"Hey. Sorry I was late. I got caught up with some stuff…" Max said slowly.

"Stuff, stuff, you always seem to get 'caught up in stuff' Max. What kind of stuff was it, hmm? Work? Joshua? I know it wasn't Eyes Only 'stuff'". His voice was biting. He stood up with a whir of the exoskeleton and walked towards her.

"Logan, are you okay?" she wanted to ask if he was drunk, but she didn't smell any alcohol.

"Well, let's see. I set up a great evening for me and my 'not-like-that' girlfriend, even shut off the phone, and computers so we wouldn't be bothered, and she didn't show up."

"I told you I had ---"she tried to argue, but he cut her off.

"Even when she is here, we can't touch or I die. Though I thought I had a solution to that. That's a great little up point in my life. And to top it all off, she would rather spend her time with the screw-up who made it impossible for me to touch her, than with me. Yeah, my life is peachy Max, just peachy."

"What does Alec have to do with any of this? It wasn't his fault anyway, it was Manticore. He was just following orders."

"Oh, that's right, stick up for him. That's great!" his hand shot out and knocked another stack of papers to the floor."

"Logan!" Max shouted, taking a cautionary step back, as he came forward.

"Oh, right. Here Max," he held out a vial of blue liquid in his hand. "Wouldn't want you to kill me now, huh?" his bitterness was stifling.

Max's eyes fixed on that small bottle. That could hold the key to her normal future with Logan. That could be the fix to her problems. She wouldn't have to worry about getting to close, or breathing on him. She could have a normal relationship for once. She would be able to touch him, kiss him. They could finally have what they'd been fighting for. They could finally be together, in every sense of the word. It was all contained in that small vial and Max felt…

Nothing. The only emotion going through her was worry that Logan had gone off the deep end. She looked back up at him. His eyes, which had always held warmth, now were cold and had a certain resignation in them. He knew. He knew it was over.

"Logan, I don't… I don't know what to say." Her voice stuttered out. She felt sad that she couldn't feel more. That she wasn't in love with him anymore.

All at once the fight went out of him. He could see the apology in her eyes. He knew she was sorry for not being able to love him, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. He tossed her the cure. "Take it. If we ever bump into each other, I don't want to die." He said and turned away. "Let yourself out." He sat back down at his desk, and turned the computer on.

Max stood there for a minute, staring at the thing in her hand. Her fist closed around it, and her eyes misted, "I'm sorry." She whispered hoarsely before leaving.

Logan's eyes closed tight, "Yeah. Me too."

* * *

Max slipped inside, closing the door silently behind her. Her face was blank, completely void of all emotion. Her fist still grasping the object that she had once so desperately craved, that she now couldn't bring herself to care about.

Joshua came into the room, his canine DNA picking up Max's scent. "Little Fella?" his rough voice made Max's eyes meet his, but there was still no feeling in them. The emptiness caused a shiver to go down Joshua's spine. Ha had never seen Max like this. "You okay?"

Max looked back down at the bottle in her hand. "I need a needle Joshua." Her voice resembled her eyes. There was nothing there. She didn't look up to see him nod and leave the room. She just stood, staring at the bottle. When he came back in, he led her to the couch. He pushed her gently to sit down, and then sat beside her.

"Little Fella have cure?" he asked quietly, warily. The dog-man was perceptive, and he knew that saying the wrong thing could spook her.

She nodded, and opened the bottle of the blue liquid. She drew out as much as the needle could hold. As she drew it out, and positioned it over her vein, a drop fell and ran down her arm. She watched as the blue bead slid over the taught skin of her inner forearm, along her wrist, and dropped to the ground. It shattered as it hit the floor, and she couldn't help but think of it symbolically. Her relationship had shattered just like that drop of fluid, and it was sad because they were both good things, that had been broken by her mistakes.

Max plunged the needle into her arm, and drained the contents into her body. Some faint part of her mind was now wondering what she would do if it wasn't the real cure, if it was a poison of some sort, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

After a few minutes, Josh broke the silence. "Little Fella? You okay now?"

His innocent question snapped her back into reality. She blinked and looked up at him. The memories of what had taken place hit her, and she drew in a shaky breath, her eyes widening. She was cured. She was actually cured. She was free of the burden of not being able to touch Logan.

Logan. Her breath left her in a rush. They could finally be together and she had ruined it. Refro was right. She was poison.

"Why, Joshua? Why couldn't I love him?" the dam broke and her eyes poured out her sadness. Her head fell into her hands and she collapsed into herself. Joshua pulled her into his lap, and wrapped his large, warm arms around her soothing her as best he could. He said nothing, just let her take comfort in his presence.

Eventually, she fell into a light sleep, worn out. He didn't know how long they had sat like that. But he never once tried to speak to her. He didn't know what had happened to make her like this, but he knew she wasn't ready to talk, at least not to him. He may have been able to read people so that he knew them better than themselves, but he wasn't great at putting those knowing thoughts into words of reassurance.

Suddenly he felt a vibration from beside them. Max didn't stir, so he reached out and found her cell phone. Alec had convinced her to get one, just a few weeks before. He opened the little devise.

"Hello?" he tried to be quiet so he wouldn't wake her.

"Josh? What are you doing with Max's phone?" Alec's voice came through.

"Little Fella not answer. Sleeping, exhausted from tears."

"Tears? Why is she crying? Where are you?" his voice was now anxious.

"Father's place. Not know why cry." Joshua told his friend.

"I'm on my way." Alec said before hanging up. He threw on a jacket and ran outside to get on his bike. He flew down the streets, not caring about the law, more worried about getting to Max.

He arrived a few minutes later, and blurred to the door. Rushing in, he followed Max's scent to the living room. What he saw made him stop in his tracks.

Max was curled up in a ball halfway laying a Josh's lap. She had streaks down her face from where tears had left tracks. Even in her sleep she looked pained, like there was no place for her to run where her problems couldn't get to her.

"Oh, Maxie. What happened to you?" he whispered. He walked over to the couch and knelt in front of Josh, beside her head. Stroking her hair softly, he looked up at the big guy. "What happened Josh?" he asked quietly so he didn't wake her.

"Don't know. Max came in looking empty, asked for a needle. She had the cure."

"THE cure? To her retrovirus?" Alec's voice was stunned. He would have thought that the cure of all things would make Max happy, like she was earlier… His hand stilled in her hair. Oh, well that explained the mysterious optimism. But what would make her cry from that?

"Yes, she took cure, then started crying." Joshua confirmed.

"She didn't say anything?" Alec asked.

"Asked why."

"Why what?"

"Why can't Max love him." Joshua stated gently.

"_Love who?_" Alec thought to himself. He was about to voice the question, but Max was starting to wake beneath his hand. He sat back slightly so that he wouldn't frighten her.

"Joshua?" her voice was that of a lost child. Alec felt the urge to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

"Here, Little Fella." Josh's deep, rumbling voice calmed her somewhat. She opened her eyes, and saw him staring at her, concern written blatantly in his eyes.

Max then sensed another presence in the room. "Alec?" she questioned. She looked over and saw him a few feet away, the same concern on his face, but hidden behind a small smirk.

"Hey Maxie." He said lightly, trying to erase some tension.

"What are you doing here?" Max asked. She sat up, and tried to brush away the tear residue from her face discreetly. She didn't want Alec here. She came because she knew Joshua wouldn't make fun of her for her little break down. She didn't want to have to hide her feelings, but she had no other choice with Alec here. She refused to look weak in front of him.

"Oh, you know, I called your phone and Josh answered. I figured you two were having a party without me, and I decided to crash." He kept the light tone, trying to show Max he wasn't going to tease her.

"Well, no party here, so you can go ahead and leave." Max stood up as she said it, and smiled at him. It was one of the fakest smiles he'd ever seen.

"You mean there's not going to be a party or the cure? I would have thought that would warrant one if nothing else." He said trying to get to the point without being too harsh. He knew he was walking on thin ice, and that she was liable to hurt him if he broke through it.

Her face was tight with the effort to hold her emotions back, "Not in the partying mood if you couldn't tell. Now go back to whatever blonde bimbo you rented for the night, and have fun." Her voice was warning him not to go further, but Alec had always been too curious for his own good.

"I'd rather stay here and hang out with my two favorite trannies."

"Well, we don't want you here so…" he could tell she was about to crack. The stress was getting to her, and she wouldn't be able to hold in her emotions much longer.

"Max. I'm not leaving." He looked her dead in the eye as he said it, and his voice was completely serious. Her resolve snapped, and she sank back down onto the couch. He sensed her walls coming down.

"What happened Max?" he asked gently.

She looked down, unable to take the solemn look in his eyes. "My news earlier? It was Logan calling to tell me he had the cure. I was so excited, I had to tell OC, I lost track of time, and was late to his apartment. He was so upset. It was like a last straw for him or something." she took a deep breath, "He started yelling, stuff about me not ever being there, and you being the cause of all our problems."

Alec's frown deepened as he was brought into it. He knew Logan didn't like him, but to blame all of their problems on him? That was a bit much.

"I stood up for you, telling him you were just following orders. It pushed him over the edge. He threw me the cure and told me to take it, cause if we ever ran into each other, he didn't want to die." Her voice cracked. She couldn't believe he had been so cold. It wasn't like she had planned to fall out of love with him, it just happened. "Then I left. Came here, and had a meltdown. End of story." A single tear fell from her eye and she didn't bother to wipe it away, knowing there was no point, more would come.

Max was so confused. She thought she loved Logan. He was her rock, her constant in a world of variables. When everything else was changing, and breaking in her life he was warm, and made her feel safe. He was kind, and sensitive, and cute, but there wasn't a spark anymore.

"Why isn't there a damn spark?!" she exploded. "Why can't I love him anymore? We used to have so much fun, and he was perfect. He IS perfect. The perfect boyfriend. Maybe that's why I can't love him. I don't deserve someone as good and as kind as he is." The tears were coming steadily now. Joshua put a hand on her shoulder, and squeezed gently.

Alec couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Max, that is not true. You DO deserve that. You're the best person I know." His voice grew softer, "But maybe Logan just isn't the guy for you."

"But why can't he be? I did love him Alec. I really did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But lately, I ignore his pages, I don't answer his calls. I avoid him as much as I can, and I told myself it was to keep him safe, but I think I just didn't want to see him."

Joshua spoke up for the first time since she had started her explanation, "People change, Little Fella. Not stay same forever, have to adapt."

"I know that, so why couldn't I have adapted to him?!" Max knew she wasn't making any sense. She obviously didn't love him, so why was she so upset over it?

"You wanted the future Logan could give you." Alec's voice answered her thoughts. Her head whipped in his direction, and she questioned him with her eyes. "You wanted the normal life, not the one you live. Running from everything, always looking over your shoulder, watching your back, never having a true sense of belonging. That's what you wanted from Logan. Sure you would have done the Eyes Only stuff, but at the end of the day, you would have been secure in knowing that you could never be touched. That you were safe." His blunt words sent Max reeling. He'd just answered her deepest question without wavering.

"Manticore make you psychic or something?" she asked only half joking. She got a small smile in return.

"No, but that's the way I felt about Rachel." His smile turned into one of happy remembrance. "I used to think I was in love with her. I thought that she was everything. Now I know that I was in love with the idea of her. I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. She showed me what life could be like, how it could be better. She proved that not everyone was cold, and hard. Like Logan did for you."

Max absorbed that information. "You're right." She sniffed, "You're right about everything."

Alec watched as she processed the new feelings, and information. He moved over to the couch so that she was in between him and Joshua. "Of course I'm right Maxie, I'm always right." He said to break the stillness in the room.

She snorted, "You wish."

She allowed him to change the subject, tired of talking about feelings. They bickered back and forth about trivial things with Josh playing referee. They slowly brought her out of her black mood. They stayed like that for hours. After they ran out of things to talk about, Alec put on an old movie he'd gotten somewhere. They all shared the couch, Josh at one end with Max's head on a pillow in his lap, Alec sitting near the middle, her legs on top of him with a blanket draped over her

Feeling her eyelids closing, she said softly, "I take it back. You weren't right about everything."

"What was I wrong about?" Alec asked cautiously.

"You said that I never had a sense of true belonging. You were wrong. I belong right here. With my family."

**Thanks for reading. Please review, and let me know if there were any errors in the story. I can't make it better if I don't know what's wrong. **


End file.
